What practices help you to feel heard?

What practices, gestures or words help you to listen?

At our October 13 Vespers (on the topic of deep listening), I posted these questions for reflection.

Then we took some time (while Irina played a work of music at the piano) and invited participants to post in the chat on the Zoom screen their responses.  These are some of the results.

Eye contact

Eye contact and listener leaning forward a bit.

What helps me feel heard is direct eye contact.

calm demeanor by the listener

Maintaining focus on the person, without distractions.

i am heard when appropriate responses align

Simple statement … “I know.” Not trying to one-up the story or solve the problem, just saying, “I know.”

Asking: “Do you have time to listen to something?”

My Dad was really big on “active listening”. In it’s simplest for it’s just repeating what someone says back to them. I listen

better and feel listened to better when I use this.

Let there be pauses in conversations. A “rest” to let what was said to be heard.

I am a better listener when I sit back, relax, and take a deep breath!

I ask the listener to repeat what I just told them

What helps me to listen deeply? Reminding myself to be mindful while listening and to keep my eyes on the speaker.

NOT looking at their phone!

I think I have been heard when I receive some form of affirmation that gels with what I was saying..

I listen better if I can set aside the stories in my head.

The listeners full attention and eye contact.

Listener asking follow on questions, for me, the speaker not stating things as facts but as their perception/feeling

Being listened to must have the follow up conversation instead of just going on to other. That is the start of time invested

that is the deepening of true concern. Less than that Is just folly.

I repeat back what they say

saying “I hear you”

I focus on what the speaker is saying and not on what my response might be

What helps me to listen is to avoid thinking about what I want to say next.

Asking: “Could you give me an example?”

Being mindful not to interrupt the speaker.

repeating essentially what i heard them/him/her say..

I am a growing listener. I’ve been a “talk junkie” for years and embracing change

I feel heard when someone ask clarifying questions.

Saying “tell me more about…”

listening without judgment

“Tell me more …”

Listening is achieved by emptying my thoughts so that I have room for the words from the speaker have a place to rest andgrow.

I feel heard when people use reflective listening practices.

Summarize what I heard.

listening without comment

Asking: “What I think I hear you saying is…. Is that right?”

I don’t expect constant eye contact when listening. For people on the Autism spectrum that can make it harder to listen. Itry to teach my son what his school staff expects. A quick glance to show you are listening.

looking AT the person speaking…